According to a local wife, her husband with huge hips should really be the one doing the birthing.
“Jack’s always doing squats and lunges, but he doesn’t even need it, what’s he doing with those hips?” lamented Erika Birdie, who was two months pregnant with their first child.
Sources confirm that local 10-year-old Lucas Green has wished death upon both his parents after they failed to buy him a Fortnite-themed birthday cake.
“No Battle Bus, no loot llamas, not even one edible pickaxe. Instead, all I got was a stupid Among Us cake with three impostors for some reason,” said Lucas, menacingly gripping a plastic fork in his hand.
Recent studies concluded that while cast iron skillets are free of dangerous chemicals such as PTFE and PFOA, they are no match for pasta in Teflon sauce.
“I think we can all agree that cast iron skillets are great. They offer superior heat retention for even cooking, durability, and versatility.
Despite Noemmi and Ivy’s affection for each other, recent reports indicate they were fundamentally unable to discuss something other than a man during their first date.
“I have no idea what happened. Every single topic we talked about centered a man,” stated Ivy ’27, who feels bewildered that they managed to talk about the barista, their brothers, their male friends, boy bands, landlords, fathers, favorite male professors, Dean Zia, and Robert Kennedy before ever talking about themselves.
Reporters recently uncovered that pathetic mom Dana Williams is still doing the Wordle, perhaps clinging to a bygone era to assuage her fears of death and loss of youth.
“Playing the Wordle is one of my favorite things,” said Williams while actively typing “ANVIL” into her daily Wordle.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
