The Brown Department of Public Safety likes to think of itself as made up of cool, attractive men and women - the kind with whom anyone would want to socialize (and more). However, this positive self-image has been shaken recently as officers have had virtually no success getting laid at various parties both on and off campus.
Wings and Things has eliminated chicken wings from its menu after owners said a decreased demand for wings, coupled with a rising interest in everything else, necessitated the shift to a more thing-centric business model. The Brook Street eatery decided last month to expand its previous selection, which featured things as popular as cole slaw and chocolate chip cookies, to include all other entities that have existed, exist, will exist or could exist anywhere ever.
Last weekend, the band TV on the Radio played on the stage on the green of Brown University in front of students - collectively an audience - watching the performers. The band's new album, "Nine Types of Light," dropped only a few days, hours, minutes and seconds before last weekend's concert started and, incidentally, a few extra minutes and seconds before it ended.
Police have officially given up on their search for the kidnapper of Cassidy Mulligan '13, who has been missing since November. Upon hearing the news, Roger Clemmings '13 resolved to take up the case. Despite the lack of evidence and dwindling hope, Clemmings expressed a grim determination to find the truth behind her disappearance.
Sources indicate that in a wonderfully satisfying series of events Tuesday, Matthew Reynolds '13 punched a dolphin. "It was terrific," commented Reynolds. "I got it square in the mouth. Or beak. Or whatever. I'm not exactly up to date on my dolphin anatomy.