Pawtucket, RI - The scene in this Providence suburb last Thursday had the potential to be grizzly. The remains of a white fence lay scattered and smashed across a lawn scarred by deep ruts. An out-of-control van had careened off the road and across this lawn, ending up mostly submerged in a swimming pool.
The Brown Noser salutes you, Guy with Bandana. You craft your paninis with precision and mold with passion. All other panini makers at the Gate pale in comparison, with your superior onion distribution and perfectly balanced sauce application. I know I can rely on you to get it right every time.
HOLLYWOOD, CA - Actor turned Director turned Anti-Semite Mel Gibson announced yesterday that production has begun on what will be his fourth directed film. "Ourth-Fay Ade-Gray" will be Gibson's third foreign language film, filmed entirely in Pig Latin. "The Passion of the Christ" was filmed entirely in Aramaic, while this year's "Apocalypto" was filmed in Mayan.
In an unprecedented move, two Brown students actually took what was initially a verbal argument outside of Josiah's, where the altercation began. The move caused extreme confusion as neither of the students had ever taken the fight outside nor heard of someone who had.
"Ruth Simmons, President of Brown University, reportedly lost millions of dollars worth of real estate last weekend in what has been criticized by some as an overzealous move in the ""Boldly Brown"" Campaign.
Simmons, commonly referred to as ""Slick Hand Simms"", lost the properties in an ""all-in"" hand of rock-paper-scissors to former Harvard President Larry Summers."