In a press conference held yesterday afternoon, the Corporation announced a $100 million donation from rapper/millionaire Jay-Z to the Urban Studies Department. In recognition of the superstar's philanthropy, the department will be renamed "Jay-Z's School of the Hard Knocks."
Colin Brady '10 envies most of his fellow Brown students. He watches them go about their days without the sorts of worries he has come to accept as unavoidable, and he wishes he could join them in a life that must be infinitely easier than the one he has been fated to lead.
The Avon Cinema on Thayer Street premieres a movie this Friday that has reached new heights of Indie vogue-so much so that when contacted for comment, the crew and director purportedly involved in its production have never heard of it.
"Seriously, who names a movie 'Noise-Canceling Grass Shadow Revolution?'" asked director Austin Pinkerton.
The next member of the Saw horror series will feature a torture sequence consisting of watching all four previous Saw films in succession. This, says screenwriter Alan Radish, will "bring the Saw series to new areas of horror never before explored in Hollywood.
When I take out my cell phone, and I'm alone in public, my coolness factor explodes by at least two and a half. People no longer stare at me awkwardly, judging, because both they and I know that this is a guy who has someone to talk to, so he has to be the man.
America is at a crossroads and I have a vision for what our future should be. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
William Grodin shocked the scientific community last Wednesday by announcing a new view of our solar system. Called Grodin's Model, it postulates that the planets are all composed of polystyrene, and thus, have the same density.
To account for apparent discrepancies, Grodin has moved the planets closer together, and dispensed with Kepler's elliptical orbits in favor of circular ones.
Despite putting considerable effort into his most recent YouTube video, Jared Plimpton '10 was disheartened last Sunday to discover that, after 420 views, his user rating sat at a thoroughly mediocre 2.34 stars.
"One of my Top 8 on MySpace wrote on my wall to break the news," Plimpton said in an interview with The Noser.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
