In what has become an annual tradition reflecting the increasingly competitive Passover holiday, Jewish dads across the nation have begun erecting gaudy displays for the slavery-themed celebration. Popular decorations include animatronic models of the Prophet Elijah and gallons and gallons of lamb’s blood.
Imagine a world where the study of black history was not the exception, but the norm. A world where we study black history not only 28 days of the year, but every single day for all eternity, over and over and over. I don’t even have to imagine such a world because I’ve been living in it ever since the time bandit Count Magromoth trapped me here 300 cycles ago.
Modern Culture and Media concentrator Harold Acker ’13 is just ending random syllables with “-ism” now, sources report. Acker, who has been talking about the gender roles in 1970s Asian films for the past 20 minutes, has been gradually moving away from using real words since he began talking.
All man want is sex with woman. Man eat, man sleep, man drive in car, but what do man think of all the while? Do man think of anything but have sex with woman? No. Man monster.
“I love chicks,” say man Charlie Gombak, who only have room in brain for imagine ladies’ bodies.
In a highly anticipated move by the National Hockey League last week, professional ice rinks will now be required to replace all current open-air penalty boxes with electric superpenalty boxes nestled deep in the Earth’s molten core.
“The mineshaft elevator typically takes about 30 minutes to travel from the ice to the submerged punishment bunker,” stated NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman.
According to Brown’s Department of Neuroscience, professors just realized that they have been studying the brains of monkeys this whole time.
Professor Emeritus Greg Harrison said that he thought the misunderstanding started about 30 years ago, when early neuroscientists used monkey brains because they are evolutionarily similar to humans, but apparently they forgot to tell their peers that the studies were conducted on monkeys.