The Brown Noser

Opinion (Oct 27 2023 issue)

There’s No “I” In Team, But There Is A “T” by Terry "T" McCunningham, Heisman Trophy Winner and Three Time National Champion | Oct 27 2023

You know what they say—teamwork makes the dream work. Together we stand, divided we fall. Many hands make light work. Those all may be true. But let’s get it straight—while there is no “I” in Team, there is a “T.” Let’s be clear—I love my team.

POINT: This New Dorm Is So Nice, I Love The High Ceilings, Modern Furniture, Open Layout, And The Way The Common Space Layout Fosters Community. / COUNTERPOINT: Don’t Put Your Face Against The Window Like That, You Are Scaring Them | Oct 27 2023

POINT: Brown did such a nice job on these new dorms, I love the design, and how the brick facades match the older dorms but also add a modern look to campus. These common rooms are like hotel lobbies, and you can see how it brings students from all different floors together to work and hang out in the evenings.

It May Be Hot Right Now But At Least It’s A Dry Heat! by Man Stuck Inside Big Microwave | Oct 27 2023

Ok, let’s face it: It’s hot, it’s unpleasant, and the door to this enormous microwave won’t open no matter how hard I push. But as bad as it is, it could be worse! This is just a dry heat—there’s almost no humidity to speak of! I’ve lived in a lot of hot places: I grew up in Arizona, moved to Florida for college, and now I’m inside of a giant microwave from which I cannot escape.

I Know We’ve Been Together For 22 Years, But We’ve Been Growing Apart, And I Think It’s Time We See Other People by Your Pediatrician | Oct 27 2023

Hey, buddy. I know this may come as a surprise, but I think this talk is long overdue. Basically, I think we should start seeing other people. I know we’ve been together for a long time. Gosh, what is it, 22 years now? Yeah, time really flies. I remember when we first met, you were still so optimistic then.

Oh, Your Bike Was Just Stolen? I Am Selling A Bike Just Like That One, But It’s Not Your Bike, It’s My Bike, You Just Have To Pay Me First, And I Cannot Show You A Picture by Bike Thief | Oct 27 2023

I’m sorry to hear your bike was stolen from outside of the SciLi, but lucky for you, your old bike sounds just like the bike I am selling, but it’s my bike, not your bike. My bike is also gray, and it is also that same brand. Did you say yours had six gears? Mine has six gears, too.

Plant-Based Milk Offers Additional Nutrients and Is Also More Hydrating! by Lazy Cow | Oct 27 2023

Most people don’t know this, but plant-based milk actually offers a plethora of benefits that dairy milk simply doesn’t! Also, today’s just not a good day for me—I’m a bit tied up with meetings. There are so many options to choose from.