I am well aware that Professor Andries Van Dam is an accomplished man. I know he invented hypertext, constructing the way modern internet users navigate between web pages. I know he wrote, “Computer Graphics: Principles and Practice” which became the “Bible” of the animation industry.
As a flat-earth believer, I’ve heard every lazy explanation out there to cover up the earth’s true shape. But there’s one thing that simply can’t be explained by every “equation,” “theory,” and “satellite image” out there: if the earth is a sphere, then why hasn’t any of Neil “the Slugger” Manny’s home runs ever gone into orbit?
For those of you who may not know: the Slugger from Smithfield is the best power hitter in the Ocean State.
No matter where my career takes me, no matter how big my music gets, I’ll never stop representing Chicago. I’ll never outgrow that city. I’ll never stop being loyal to it. All because of how good the hot dogs are.
When people hear “Chance the Rapper” they immediately think of Chicago.
Everyone in this dumb town has their priorities all wrong. No way the real world is like this. It’s just this stupid town that’s got everything all mixed up. Because all you have to do to get noticed here is score a touchdown. That’s the only way anyone will give a damn about you.
WAASSSUPPP BABYGI—Oh my gosh, I am so, so sorry. I thought you were my friend, Rebecca. Do you know her, Rebecca Thompkins? I swear she has the same purple jacket as you. If you knew her, you’d totally understand why I made the mistake. This is so embarrassing.
I’m an American, and as an American, I show respect for this country and its God-given freedoms every chance I get. So I am proud to say that I stand for the flag, kneel for the cross, and boogie woogie woogie when the beat gets low.
Standing for the flag shows respect for the great freedoms brought to us by our soldiers, and kneeling for the cross is the commandment of the Lord who grants us these freedoms.