A recent study led by Providence resident Jan Fosterman has revealed that infants cannot breathe under water. “While in the womb, unborn babies are submerged in viscous, amniotic fluid and are able to grow and prosper,” said Fosterman.
Back in September, through a series of clerical errors on the part of the Office of Residential Life, Michael Jenks '11 was forced to live in a single in Jameson House in Keeney Quad. Completely isolated from his fellow seniors, Jenks has since been surrounded by vivacious freshmen who, unlike himself, have yet to be worn down by the coarse sands of time.
At the start of this semester, Modern Culture and Media concentrator Victor Skrovan '11 was invigorated by the prospect of starting his own student-run film society. He had procured all the necessary signatures and quickly received approval from the Undergraduate Council of Students.
Jesus Christ. What is that? Is that a … No, it can't be. Really? Oh yep. That's a big stinking turd-burger smack dab in the middle of the shower. And now it's on my only pair of flip-flops. Great. This is going to be a good day.
On October 20th, Stephen Peterson '12 had a dream that he fears may, in fact, be racist. "At first, I didn't think anything of it," said Peterson. "But then I thought about it some more and I'm really worried that Mel Gibson riding a giant, flying, mythological lizard beast with the head of Harriet Tubman that shoots fireballs out of its mouth at a downtrodden group of Seminole Indians as they walk along the Trail of Tears might be totally Un-PC.
A recent study led by Brown Computer Science Professor Lester Siegel has revealed startling new information about today's internet users.
By meticulously studying recurring trends and patterns on the internet website Chatroulette.com, Siegel and his team were able to uncover that one out of every three internet users is, in fact, a giant penis and/or cat-person.
Students in visiting Professor Emmanuel Christos' RELS0110:"Introduction to Christianity" have had significant trouble comprehending the professor's veiled lectures. It seems that the confusion has stemmed from Professor Christos' predilection for speaking in parables said to be "harder to piece together than a goddamn jigsaw puzzle.
As the Brown University housing lottery draws near, Ryan Mitchell '12 has stationed himself outside the Vartan Gregorian building, affectionately known as New Dorm, in an attempt to protect upperclassmen from choosing to live there next year. His reason: it smells like poo.