Alexander's articles
Kurt Watt '11 figured he'd show his commitment to RISD student Sally Wong by inviting her to be his plus-one at the annual Watt Family Reunion. Yet by the time they hopped back into Wong's car for the long drive back from Virginia, the six-month-old relationship, instead of shifting into a higher gear, had taken an abrupt left turn into the town of Quitsville.
State and local police are still searching for the killer of 24-year-old Providence resident Gary Studnik, but despite a bevy of clues, a lack of viable suspects is making the case nearly impossible to solve. Studnik was somehow pushed out of his fifth-story window, despite the fact that the door to his apartment had not been opened in the two weeks prior to Studnik's demise.
It was on an unusually windy Friday in J. Walter Wilson that Alan Rubenstein '12 found a dispatch in his campus mailbox that shook him to his core.
The dude Stephanie Greenfeld '13 met at that 90s-themed party last week totally did it all for the nookie, senior party-planning officials revealed this week. The officials, in an exclusive interview, went on to inform the Noser that you can take that cookie and stick it up your yeah! Stick it up your yeah!
Ben Benikles '12, the dude in question, said that as soon as he stepped in the door, he knew it was his night.
A Facilities Management employee unwittingly disposed of every single piece of art on display at a recent student gallery show in the List Art Building.
The show, for which the 25 exhibited pieces were selected out of 80 submitted works, was entitled "Beyond Representation: Poststructuralist Beauty for Posthumanist Times.
A new advocacy group, believing that the interests of Americans with pierced tongues have been hurt by negative media portrayals, recently held a press conference to deal with what they describe as "a long-term thivil rights violation." The group, Americans with Tongue Rings, has the stated goal of doing away with "inthenthitive and thpiteful therotypes, and to instead create a more pothitive image for those Americanth who happen to have metal in their mouths," according to Chief Spokeswoman Jo-Jo Dulata.
POINT: I See You're Standing at That Urinal Not Peeing
Hey, man. How are you? Haven't seen you in a little while. I know, work's been heavy. You have any plans for summer?
Say, I just happened to notice that you're standing at that urinal, but I don't hear any sound to indicate that you're doing anything more than that.
In what is being described as an effort to increase transcript transparency, the Office of the Registrar announced that next semester it will begin to offer a Win/Epic Fail grading option, in lieu of the old S/NC option.
Associate Professor of Religious Studies Maryanne Leftfeld strongly supports the change.
According to both confidential sources and a formal press release from the Office of Ms. Jolene Lindren '13, Lindren's final paper for POLS 0400: "Introduction to International Politics" is going well.
"I have to say," said a source who wished to remain anonymous due to concerns she will "come across as bragging," "Jolene Lindren is pulling out all the stops on this one."
This anonymous source confirms the reports of several students who have taken classes with Lindren, live on her floor, or have waited behind her in the Tastes of the World line at the Sharpe Refectory.
To the Editor:
In this day or age, students who are mixing metaphors like there's no tomorrow are going out of style, and as much as I hate to be a Monday morning armchair quarterback pitching in his two cents, I think the practice confuses the bejesus out of all outdoors.
In a sure sign of the good fortune that awaits it, the Brown Club-Making Club completed one of its major goals this past week-to form the Brown Club-Making Club.
At the club's first meeting/press conference, club President and founder Jeff Peterson '10 was demure about his own role.
In an America Online Instant Messenger conversation Monday, Sam Mattis responded to Jay Schwab's query of "wats up? [sic]" with "not much," before proceeding to ask Schwab, "You?" Further online communication revealed that little was up for Schwab as well.
In a movement its supporters call "revolutionary," growing numbers of self-defined "medium-height students" are calling for radical changes across Brown's campus - the main one being a dramatic increase in the number of "height-neutral water fountains" on campus.
Brown newest intramural sport, water polo, is gaining excitement and momentum across campus as the number of fans grows exponentially from match to match. While many students now play, the league's growth and creation can in fact be traced to one man - team captain Jeremy Rockingham '10.
In a maneuver that severely annoyed her former friend and occasional hook-up buddy Luke Rohde '11, Isabel Matthews '11 announced yesterday that she is prepared to present a lengthy videotape of her and Rohde performing various sexual acts should he fail to meet her dastardly demands.
In a move sure to rock the Brown community and one member of that community especially, Max Locust '10 and Sammy Yalowitz '11 will release tomorrow the first issue of their new campus newspaper, the Brown Daily Harold, which will aim to fully chronicle the day-to-day life of Comparative Literature major Harold Pushkin '09.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
