Anthony's articles
Associate Professor of Anthropology Marcus Cunningham said that he hopes students from his "Introduction to Archaeology” class will not attend office hours and interrupt his frequent desk urination.
“I know it’s important for students to have one-on-one time with their professors,” said Cunningham, who holds office hours on Thursdays from 11 a.m.
Like many freshmen, David Johnson ’15, a prospective computer science concentrator from suburban Lancaster, PA, said he is excited to learn about different cultures on campus and reaffirm that he wants nothing to do with them.
“I’ll try to find a group of suburban CS kids as quickly as possible and remain in said group until graduation,” he said.
Kelly Wilcox '12 commented on the state of the weather in Providence, RI this morning, according to multiple sources. "It's so nice outside right now," Wilcox reportedly told several fellow college students at the dining hall. Wilcox could not remember the last time it was this nice out, though it might have been last Wednesday, she said.
Local artist Pierre Zapocky '12 is an ardent believer in feng shui, the ancient Chinese aesthetic tradition. His dormitory is set up in the most ambient of ways, with cool colors beautifully complementing earthy tones, thus creating a most harmonious area for thumb-twiddling and bong usage.
Last April, Jake Waltz ’13, like many of his Brown brethren, missed out on the Spring Weekend festivities due to the tumultuous ticket-purchasing process, an ordeal which some later have come to liken to a "game of Russian Roulette, only it's online, and, you know, it would be a good thing to get shot."
"It sucked, man,” recalled Waltz, in a phone interview prior to the start of his journey.
Local authorities avoided near-catastrophe early Wednesday morning, as they discovered an emaciated student reportedly "on the verge of death" slumped against the side of the Sharpe Refectory.
According to sources at the scene, the student - later identified as Alex Chernokov '14 - was heard faintly rasping, "Oh Flex 240, oh goddamn Flex 240" in his stupor.
Brown University student and shameless fibber Greg Wilkins '12 told reporters Wednesday that he believes prices at the Blue Room and the Gate - two college eating establishments - are "completely reasonable."
"The prices are totally fine," claimed the shifty-eyed Wilkins, as he munched on a bag of pita chips and sipped an Odwalla, generously priced at a combined $6.75.
When Mark Richards '13 arrived at a party and spotted romantic interest Lisa Lunk '13 talking to another young man, he wasn't worried. "It was hard to hear over the blaring beat of Ke$ha, but I swear he said something to Lisa about wearing his 'gay poncho'," Richards said.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
