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The Brown Noser

Area Man's Day Ruined After Accidentally Seeing Own Reflection

Published Friday, March 17th, 2017

Accidentally glancing at his own reflection in a store window, local man Paul Gregory’s day was immediately ruined. “Usually I do a lot of psyching myself up before looking in the mirror,” said Gregory, sitting on a park bench with his head in his hands. “I know my angles and can do a quick suck in of my stomach. The combination of lowering my expectations while doing everything I can to make my appearance as palatable as possible normally keeps my day humming along just fine. When I saw my reflection without meaning to it was like I saw past my body and into my soul and I hated both.” At press time, Gregory’s day was ruined further upon realizing it’s only going to get worse from here.

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