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The Brown Noser

BUDS Supervisor Sports Towering Stack of Hats to Assert Dominance

Published Friday, April 20th, 2018

Veteran BUDS worker Jacob Olsen ‘19, fresh off a promotion to shift supervisor at Andrews Commons, has begun sporting a towering stack of hats to assert his dominance in the workplace. Sources spotted Olsen taking tiny, measured steps behind the pho counter on Wednesday afternoon in efforts to keep his colorful assortment of headwear from toppling to the ground.

“It’s a great way to remind everyone that I’m in charge,” Olsen explained, his neck an unwavering ninety degrees to the ground. “With ten different hats piled on my head, I can remind my workers that I’m just like them—but more important. You don’t become a ten-hat worker like me without semesters of loyal commitment to BUDS. This red hat? It belonged to the super before me. I outlasted him. I outlasted them all. I’m on top now.”

At press time, Olsen’s posture was fantastic.

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