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The Brown Noser

Bird Just Gonna Sit On Telephone Wire Until It Dies

Published Monday, October 31st, 2022

Sources close to a local sparrow confirm that he’s content to sit on the same telephone wire until he dies.
“I stopped here for a quick rest during my annual migration south, and then I just kinda stayed for a bit,” the sparrow said, wrapping his bird feet tight around the wire. “Quick as a diving falcon, it’s three years later, and I have no plans of moving and no goals for the future other than sitting right on this wire until I eventually kick the bucket.”
“It’s a nice life, I guess,” the sparrow continued, gesturing with his wing toward the thin, precarious expanse of telephone wire. “I can’t complain. There’s
a commercial strip right below me, so there’s pretty great people-watching, and I get to block the way of squirrels scurrying across. On the whole, there’s not much more I could ask for in the time before I go belly-up.”
“Sure, I once wanted a family, a career, but then I realized that what I truly need has always been right here, on this telephone wire,” he said, snapping up a small caterpillar in his beak. “Of course, I have some regrets, but sitting on this same wire for years isn’t one of them. In any case, I’m satisfied with the life I’m living, where I just sit right here on this telephone wire until I bite the dust.”
At press time, sources close to a local gopher confirmed that she’s good just squatting in this ground hole until she croaks.

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