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The Brown Noser

Brown Admirers Post Clearly Written By Subject

Published Friday, March 17th, 2017

Filled with way too much detail about his life and exhibiting outlandish praise, a Brown Admirers post to William Jacobs was clearly written by Jacobs himself sources report. Jacobs commented on the post almost instantly, before anyone even had a chance to tag him in the comments, writing “Thanks so much!!! Needed this more than you know,” and went on to pen a long paragraph about all of the hard work he had been doing, concluding with an over the top thank you to the “anonymous” admirer.

“William is always saying that he wishes someone would write a Brown Admirers post about him,” said Jacobs’ friend, Felipe Garcia. “We all knew he was trying to get one of us to do it, but we never did. So I guess he took matters into his own hands.”

“To William,” reads the post, which only garnered three likes. “Stars shine brightest in the dark and you truly shine bright in this dark world. Keep on being you and don’t let anyone, especially your annoying lab partner, get you down.”

“William is always saying stuff like ‘I wonder who wrote that Brown Admirers post about me’ like that throws suspicion off of himself. He did this incredibly transparent thing and is trying to cover it up with another super transparent move. I don’t buy it for a second,” Garcia said. “The post was so specific, no one else knew his parents were getting divorced and the post had a huge paragraph about how he was going to overcome that obstacle.”

At press time, Jacobs was seen writing a Brown Bears Confession about how not enough people write Brown Admirers posts for kids whose parents are going through divorces.

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