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The Brown Noser

Doctor Won’t Stop Using Icky Words

Published Friday, April 19th, 2019

Dr. Alexandria Webb’s patients have reported that the doctor won’t stop using icky words.

“Completely disgusting,” complained patient Joe Bergo after an appointment with Webb. “She said all sorts of icky things like sphincter, fluid, orifice, and bowel. It was repulsing. I really wish she would use nicer-sounding words.”

“When she said ‘fatty growth’ and ‘appendectomy,’ I was only a little grossed out,” continued Bergo, nearly retching as he recalled the nasty lingo. “But then she used the word ‘mucus’ and ‘glottis’ in the same sentence and I had no choice but to completely tune her out. Thank God she didn’t throw in a ‘puss’ or ‘globule,’ because I probably would’ve puked all over her office.”

At press time, Bergo realized he had no idea what his diagnosis even was.

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