Flexing his vocal range while knelt over an ailing student’s gurney, Brown EMS volunteer Conrad Boger was seen putting way too much faith in the healing power of song.

“Ahhhh! Aghhh! I need to go to the hospital so bad,” reported Boger’s patient Trevor Llybon, pleading with Boger to stop delivering his rendition of ‘Whistle A Merry Tune To Mend Your Sorrows’ and to start driving the ambulance. “Help! Please! Someone call a real ambulance!”

“Oh my God, it hurts so much,” commented Llybon, on the verge of fainting from the pain while waiting for Boger to finish the song’s tap-dancing interlude. “Everything’s getting fuzzy and dark, I can barely think straight and, oh, wow, that’s actually a really high note to belt. Good for him.”

At press time, another EMS volunteer was taking far too literally the idea that laughter is the best medicine.

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