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This fall, Brown University opened its gates to a freshman class large in size and diverse in spirit.
“We are strong, we are proud, and we are Brown,” said Christina Paxson at commencement, definitely not referring to the racial background of the new admits. “I’m happy to welcome a new cohort of students. Students of different passions, aspirations, and skin… care routines. Personally, I use Cetaphil.”
“I’m literally so grateful to be a part of this class,” said Kennedy French ‘28, unprompted, as to whether she enjoyed being a part of the upper-middle class. “And to top it all off, I’m at Brown. Like, whoa. Everyone’s so unique. I met a guy who plays the viola! Only at Brown!”
“We wanted to accept a class of diverse students from all over the map,” said President Paxson, pointing at a map of Connecticut. “One student we accepted from here said their childhood nanny taught them how to cook soul food. I don’t know about you, but sign me up for some Jambalaya this semester!”
At press time, a Herald poll found that the freshman class seems to be average in height and high in general.
