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The Brown Noser

Grandma Still Can't Wrap Head Around Ripped Jeans

Published Friday, December 7th, 2018

Sources report that local grandma Wanda Emmers is still trying to wrap her head around ripped jeans.

“Why ruin nice pants with holes?” Emmers wondered aloud, staring quizzically at her grandson’s distressed Levi’s. “That would be a suitable pair of jeans if someone hadn’t taken a knife to them! His knees must be so cold. I should take him to the mall to pick out some proper slacks.”

Furrowing her brow and shaking her head, a bewildered Emmers simply could not fathom the jeans.

“The holes are there on purpose?" she said. "Why? I don’t get it. People rip pants if they fall down or snag them on something. But why buy pants that already have rips? I keep telling Tommy that I could patch them up in a jiff, but he wants them to stay like that! I don’t understand. And they cost the same as fully intact jeans? What?”

At press time, Emmers was baffled by hats worn backwards.

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