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Hungover members of Congress were confused this morning when they woke up sprawled out over desks, in some cases lying in pools of their own vomit and urine, unsure of “what happened last night.”
After pulling the blinds and dimming the lights to diminish the sharp ringing that penetrated the skulls of American lawmakers, a long succession of hearings was held to determine what exactly had occurred.
Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi remarked, “I remember something about ordering a hundred iguanas, a tax subsidies bill and I think Boehner sang a song from ‘My Fair Lady’?”
Boehner denied the claim, saying, “I have never seen ‘My Fair Lady’ so that’s just impossible. Then again I do vaguely remember doing a mean step ball change with the Majority Whip.”
Congress was also unable to account for the deployment of three Predator drones to a nearby Bed Bath & Beyond, as well as a declaration of war against Belgium submitted on a paper bag, which contained a hamburger and a nude picture of Joe Biden.
President Obama responded to the incident, saying “whatever happened last night was inappropriate and shameful, even for the U.S. Congress.” He added, “Seriously. I have like fifty drunk texts from Barbara Boxer asking me if they’re really going to make the Arrested Development movie. This is pitiful.”
