Friday, July 21, 2017
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The Brown Noser

Local Man Only Brushing Teeth At 30% Intensity This Morning

Published Friday, April 21st, 2017

Sighing at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, local man Todd Christopher was only able to muster 30% intensity while brushing his teeth this morning. Sources report that Christopher barely wet his toothbrush and didn’t attempt to squeeze more toothpaste out of the container when most of it fell off the brush into the sink. Rather than intensely brushing for the recommended two minutes, Christopher was barely able to scrape together 40 seconds of lackluster strokes before poorly rinsing off his toothbrush and swishing one sip of water around his mouth. At press time, sources reported that Christopher was well on his way to performing all of the other tasks that faced him throughout his day with similar disdain and half assedness.

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