Partly Cloudy, 64°
Reports indicate that the man who saved you from that bullet was definitely just trying to sleep with you. In fact, he totally was checking you out while mid-air, and when he landed he was attempting to look super sexy, with all that blood and stuff. Everyone knows chicks dig scars.
“ARGHHHHHH help me stop the bleeding!!” said the man, whose internal organs are never going to recover from his poorly disguised ploy to initiate physical contact. “Please, call 911!”
“GGHLLHGHGHGHLLGG,” added the man, beginning to violently choke on his own blood in the hopes that you’d try mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on him, which would be so hot. “GGHLHLHGG!”
At press time, the man who pushed you out of the way of an oncoming train was definitely just trying to get a better look at your ass.
