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The Brown Noser

Nation’s Dogs Announce Plans To Sagely Stare Into Traffic While Shitting Entire Breakfast Onto Curb

Published Friday, May 12th, 2023

In a statement released to the general public last Wednesday, the nation’s canine population announced they are going to stoically stare into oncoming cars while excreting their entire breakfast onto the curb.

“It is indeed moments like these that are paradoxically full of chaos but also brimming with serenity, that we find our true selves,” sighed leader of the nation’s dogs Fido Coco-Fuzzy as he pushed to move his bowels on the side of the street as cars zoomed past. “It has been a long journey, but I find I feel most comfortable in my identity as a nation’s dog as I look into myself and my heart.”

“To be self loving is the greatest truth of all,” continued Coco-Fuzzy, squatting with all his might to push out whatever he ate just three hours prior. “As I look out onto the street and feel the rush of air by each passing car, I am so grateful to be who I am. I hope you, too, can learn to love yourself.”

At press time, the nation’s dogs announced additional plans to roleplay as mortal enemies whenever they saw fellow dogs.

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