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The Brown Noser

Pediatrician Gives Parents Harrowing Prognosis In Looney Tunes Necktie

Published Friday, March 6th, 2020

According to witnesses at the Rhode Island Hospital’s pediatric wing, Dr. Gary Dougherty recently delivered a sobering prognosis while wearing a bright yellow Looney Tunes necktie.

“I’m so incredibly sorry; I know that this is tough,” Dougherty said solemnly, steadily delivering the achingly terrible news as he tugged a bit on his necktie featuring Tweety Bird in a Santa hat. “But know that we aren’t going down without a fight.”

Witnesses have also confirmed that as Dougherty spoke, he held heartbreaking x-rays in a manilla envelope near inches away from the necktie emblazoned with a confused Tasmanian Devil all tangled up in Christmas lights.

“I won’t mince words with you: these next couple months will be rough,” continued Dougherty, struggling to hold back tears which yearned to fall on the fabric image of Bugs Bunny munching on a Candy Cane and Daffy Duck all wrapped up in a big red bow. “But with enough hope, we might just stand a fighting chance.”

Dougherty then ended the delivery of his prognosis by handing out stickers and a lollipop.

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