Professional bowler Rick Kaufman, who has competed in the Professional Bowlers Association for 10 years without a sustaining an injury, hopes he never accidentally drops the ball on his big toe.

“It hasn’t happened yet, but, man oh man, that would be a disaster!” said Kaufman, adding that he sighs with relief every time he gets a strike instead of dropping the 13-pound ball on his “big ol’ toe” and hopping up and down “like a buffoon.”

“I mean talk about an owie owieeee oh! My great big toe would be flattened like a pancake.” At press time, Kaufman was seen pumping his fist because he spared a 7-10 split without accidentally tripping and throwing himself into the gutter.

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