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Brown University students have returned to campus for a relaxing semester after rigorous time spent with family over the break.
“Having spent the last four weeks studying my parents’ facial expressions, attending Grandma’s life skill lectures, and being tested by my conservative uncles, a full schedule of early morning STEM courses is exactly what I need,” Richard Jackson ‘28 said with a haunted stare behind otherwise curious eyes. “And after sharing a bathroom with my high school brother for a month, the fungus-covered showers of my communal dorm bathroom are practically immaculate.”
“Being a freshman, I was worried that once I got home, I wouldn’t want to come back to Brown,” Richard explained, joyously bounding up the steps of the Rock to calm himself with a couple of problem sets. “But as soon as I walked into my hometown bedroom and it didn’t smell pungently of cologne, sweat, and Coors Light, I was restless to get back to Providence. When I finished a drink, my parents expected me to throw the bottle into a trashcan rather than on the floor. Who do they think they are?”
At press time, Richard was calmly falling asleep to the sound of the Thayer motorcycles.
