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The Brown Noser

Tent On Simmons Quad Good Omen For Availability Of Hors D'oeuvres

Published Friday, March 6th, 2020

According to sources, the pitching of a large white tent on Simmons Quad is a good omen for the availability of free hors d’oeuvres.

“This must mean that some sort of dignitaries are visiting or an important campus anniversary is being celebrated,” said freshman Ainsley Tomaselli while scanning Today@Brown to find the upcoming event. “But most importantly, it means that I can pop in, grab some bruschetta and a plate of potato puffs, and sneak away.”

“I even saw them setting up several small circular tables,” Tomaselli said, confident that the sizeable tent was an indicator of pigs in a blanket, crostini, and other delicious canapés. “That likely portends an upcoming abundance of light refreshments.”

“It also seems likely that there will be a huge shortage of assorted sliders, alongside an extreme excess of mustard!”

At press time, a guest speaker’s arrival on campus spelled high chances for cardboard boxes full of coffee.

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