The recent murder of Charles Webelo has sent the local community into a state of eco-outrage. Barry Partridge, confirmed perpetrator of the crime, was apprehended by authorities last Thursday afternoon at his home on Gano Street.
This past Saturday night, the Department of Public Safety busted an underground dog-fighting ring being run in the bowels of Keeney Quadrangle. Police say that they were alerted to the illegal activities several weeks ago when blue dogprints began to appear all around the Brown campus.
Taking its cue from the formulaic garbage that talentless dopes will one day produce within its walls, the Jane and John Whogivesashit Center for the Uncreative Arts is slated to look just like any other building.
On October 20th, Stephen Peterson '12 had a dream that he fears may, in fact, be racist. "At first, I didn't think anything of it," said Peterson. "But then I thought about it some more and I'm really worried that Mel Gibson riding a giant, flying, mythological lizard beast with the head of Harriet Tubman that shoots fireballs out of its mouth at a downtrodden group of Seminole Indians as they walk along the Trail of Tears might be totally Un-PC.
Engrim now states that he's "like 90% sure" Professor Lundquist was, in fact, feebly trying to distract the student body at large from the sound of his own flatulence.