Awed witnesses report that since subway commuter Frank Murphy is not holding a handrail, he must be endowed with the balance and coordination of a divine being. Murphy’s mythological motor control was put on full display on his morning commute via the A train.
In a press conference last week, the FDA reported that all-natural deodorant is not working at all.
“Just because there is a photo-realistic artistic rendering of a pre-processed lavender bud on the label does not mean that this stuff will do the trick,” the report emphasized.
According to various sources, area man Ted Miller is definitely underestimating how big of a bowl he needs to make that salad.
“Well, this seems like a good size,” said Miller, grossly underestimating the amount of space his romaine salad would occupy.
Cleverly outsmarting his German Shepherd, sources report that area man Shilo Kraft has found that he can get his pet to take its meds by sneaking them into piles of shit.
“Goose used to hate taking his antibiotics,” Kraft explained, checking that the dog was safely asleep before he began concealing the pills in mounds of shit in the backyard.
After eating the little chocolate square designated for December 6th, area man Harold Tobin began eyeing up the piece of advent calendar chocolate set aside for tomorrow.
“I guess I could just eat another one now,” Tobin said, hesitating over the cardboard flap concealing the December 7th chocolate.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
