During a recent lecture, Professor Erik Yerbikson reminisced about a steamy fling he had with the author of this week’s reading, Nina Jacobson.
“The essay I assigned by Jacobson is a groundbreaking piece of scholarship in the field of American Politics,” said Yerbikson, his cheeks starting to flush.
In an lengthy email to the entire student body this morning regarding Christina Paxson’s recent term extension, University Chancellor Samuel M. Mencoff snuck in a bullet point about Paxson’s dreamy eyes. “Paxson has both engaged and encouraged the academic community at Brown by peering at us during convocations, faculty luncheons, and other events with those striking, calm, chocolate gumdrops,” Mencoff gushed in the email, in between a bullet point praising Paxson’s sustainability efforts and alumni engagement, unaware that he had typed it and not just thought it like he does every day.
Sources reported Friday that Dean of the College Rashid Zia has been repeatedly pitching the children’s novel “Tale of Despereaux” for next year’s First Readings.
“At first glance, ‘Tale of Despereaux’ might seem like just another story about a mouse who lives in a castle and falls in love with a human princess, but it’s so much more,” Zia could be heard saying to anyone who would listen.
Sources report that sports writers at the Brown Daily Herald have been struggling to craft new headlines as the Brown football team continues to lose game after game.
“I’ve already used the phrase ‘loses,’ as well as ‘falls’ and ‘suffers defeat,’” said BDH reporter Rob Dexter ’23, author of the recent article “Brown Football Absolutely Pulverized By Harvard.” “I’m running out of verbs, and the ones that remain will only frame Brown’s football team in an increasingly pitiful light,” Dexter added.
Donor and Brown trustee Marty Granoff released his annual “Naughty or Rich” list this Tuesday.
The list designates every student in one of the two categories and is necessary to decide who will get free meals at Bacaro, and who will be left with nothing.