Citing a continuous and overwhelming deluge of positive feedback in both their physical and online inboxes, the Brown Daily Herald has pleaded for the Brown community to stop sending so much fan mail.
“We adore and appreciate our fans so much,” said Editor-in-Chief Brango Hughley ’20 at a packed press conference held in Salomon auditorium Tuesday evening.
Sources report that a student handing out newspapers clarifiedm “Don’t worry, it’s the Brown Noser,” to a frightened passerby.
“I could see the fear in that guy’s eyes,” explained Noser Staff Writer Sarah Hart, recalling the momentary panic she caused by offering him a copy of the new Noser issue.
You might notice that the Noser in your hands looks a bit different. You better notice. We worked hard on that. It’s sleeker, it’s sexier, it’s beefier,
and most importantly, it embodies the spirit of the new decade. That’s
right. We’re bringing The Noser into the twentieth century.
Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 21): You’re feeling confident and energetic today. Help out a friend.
Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20): Your energy has been imbued with generosity recently. Be sure to help out when your friends are in need!
Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20): When you get stuck in a rut, your soul shrivels.
Pacing back and forth during a recent meeting, the editors-in-chief of The College Hill Independent were scrambling to redeem themselves after realizing their recent issue made a little bit of sense.
“We have to do some real damage control here,” design editor Nick Bates ‘20 said, despondently scanning the recent issue that didn’t contain a single two-page spread of blurry film negatives and actually made a comprehensible point about climate change in one of its essays.