Dogged by accusations of superficial songwriting and heckled by fans for their incredibly short sets, the Freecreditreport.com Band issued a press release Tuesday announcing their intentions to "adopt a new artistic compass and find our way to a new type of success.
After careful deliberation and a great deal of distress, Jenny Houston '11 opted not to name her newly uploaded Facebook photo album "Summer at home," and instead broke ground by naming it "If I was a bear I'd be a koala."
"I just thought the title that actually described the album was so blasé," Houston said.
Last Saturday night, an appalling number of Brown University students flocked downtown to gape at some ordinary bonfires sitting on an ordinary river when they could have been partying it up in New Pembroke #4, Room 419, like any cool person would have.
The New Pembroke party was not just your regular excuse to drink, dance, and vomit, but rather a celebration of this reporter's birthday.
The Brown Concert Agency has released a statement of apology in response to the student body's outcry against the alarmingly heteronormal agenda of Spring Weekend 2009's headline act, "Of Montreal."
Brown's LGBTQ community led the complaint that the non-provocative group failed to meet sufficiently Brown's lofty standards for needlessly inflammatory sexual expression.
A recent study led by Brown graduate student Arvind Amernath on the chemistry of dollar bills in circulation on College Hill has revealed a frightening statistic about life at the university.
As Amernath explains, "We, um, borrowed a large sample of cash from various locations around campus and studied its chemical composition.