Chaos struck Providence yesterday as longtime public menace Jaws of Death rampaged through downtown, striking fear into the hearts of citizens. This was Jaws’s first attack on the city since an accident last month left him paralyzed from the waist down, but the courageous super-villain insisted that he receive no special treatment.
This week the Avon announced plans to show a film one or two people you know will almost go see.
The film, which is an independent film distributed by a major studio, is titled “Hazel Summer” or “Retiring the Fergussons” or “Achoo!” (German title: Hatschi!) and may very well be presented with subtitles, though that doesn’t mean it’ll be any good at all.
When Herman Freeman woke up on the morning of his 75th birthday, he knew in his heart that he needed to do something to feel more alive. Thus, according to friends and family, he grabbed his wallet, checked into the nearest sleazy hospital room he could find and in one day blew his entire life savings on chemotherapy in a crazy end-of-life crisis.
In a press conference on Tuesday, Federal Reserve Chair Ben Bernanke announced that beginning May 15, the Federal Reserve will accept five-dollar bills as wildcards that can stand in for any amount of money. “Fives can now be played as tens or fifties or even still as fives if you like,” said Bernanke.
KABUL—After years of careful calibration, U.S. military forces detonated one perfectly aimed bomb in Kabul this morning, establishing a representative government rooted in equal opportunity and personal liberties. By noon the smoke had cleared from the bomb site, revealing a federal government restricted by a series of checks and balances.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
