Curious if you’re a fellow member of her tax bracket or not, junior Eliza Voorhees is asking about your winter break plans to actually ask about your parents’ annual income.
“So, are you doing anything fun for winter break?” asked Voorhees, ready to estimate your family’s net worth upon hearing your response.
Darn it, it seems that RISD student Zoe Kasper accidentally left her spare possum teeth in her other tote bag.
“I swear I always keep them on me,” said Kasper as she frantically rummaged through a tote bag covered in googley eyes. “I usually keep them right next to all my loose doubloons.
Sources report that Computer Science TA Mark Johnson enjoys hiking, baking, and writing algorithms to produce humanoid hobbies for his class website bio.
“I just really enjoy getting out into the fresh air,” said Johnson through the AI bot he had trained to make him sound like a well-balanced human being.
This morning, an area woman put on her trademark scarf and clogs, preparing for a full day of making local students feel socially anxious through prayer.
“She walked up to us and asked if she could ‘pray’ for us,” said Mac Davidson ‘24, still reeling from the awkwardness of the encounter.
Awkwardly sitting on the host’s living room carpet, sources report that an excruciatingly painful party has only become more painful after someone brought out Cards Against Humanity.
“It’s bad enough that I barely know most of these people, but now I have to listen to them make jokes about unicorn threesomes and Ronald Reagan’s nipples,” said attendee Wendy Welch, already brainstorming excuses to quietly leave before she had to be “judge.” “I think the guy next to me is cracking up just because his card has the word ‘gloryhole’ on it.”
“Some of them are taking this really seriously,” added Welch as two people got into a heated debate about whether “tentacle porn” or “tasteful sideboob” should have won the last round.