The Brown Noser

Brown Noser Not Worth Reading

The first of December, 2006, saw the release of The Brown Noser, a newspaper designed to fill what it describes as a "gaping void in our comedy landscape." With their brilliantly executed distribution program, the staff of The Noser was able to distribute its rag across the campus here at Brown University, inundating students with their peculiar brand of "humor."

Dear Chris

This month, Chris addresses hard-hitting personal questions, such as "Do your parents know you're gay?" "What are you doing to combat the cold?" and "Should I have sex with my professor?"

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Hobbits Left Homeless after Art Installation Removal

Homeless shelters across the city struggled to house hundreds of displaced hobbits this winter after artist Patrick Dougherty's installation behind University Hall was taken down. Many hobbit families had moved into the sculpture which incorporated both man-made and natural features of the green.

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Providence River Pollution Turns WaterFire into Towering Inferno

The usually peaceful scene in downtown Providence took a tragic, unexpected turn last Saturday around midnight when mountains of trash and chemicals ignited during a routine performance of WaterFire, a fire sculpture presented on a stretch of the Providence River over half a mile long.

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Kenyan Runner Reaches End of Universe, Light Comes in Close Second

The third annual Universe Marathon in memory of Planet Pluto was held this weekend, and for the first time in history, a competitor has actually reached the coveted "end of universe" mark. Kiraitu Murungi, a 25-year-old runner from Kakamega, Kenya, was first to finish the 12 billion light-year race (approximately twice the distance to Perkins), in a record 1.

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Gender Studies Professor Develops Cold Fusion

A Brown University spokesperson announced yesterday that Earth's energy crisis is solved thanks to Thomas French, Associate Professor of Gender Studies. Four days ago, French successfully developed Cold Fusion, a feat that scientists had long attempted before finally dismissing as "too fucking hard."

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