The Brown Noser

Explorers Discover Dartmouth Hasn't Existed for 50 years

Dartmouth, the oft-forgotten member of the Ivy League tucked away deep in the woods of New Hampshire, has not existed for at least fifty years, according to explorers Rufus Edgemore and Stefan Burgundy. The discovery has left the Ivy League, now short one member, in shambles.

Dear Chris

[b]Dear Chris, I have some ADOCH kids coming to stay with me, what should I do to show them a good time? -Melanie Chisholm [/b] Melanie, Your question comes at a perfect time, for me if not for you. I just recently finished the preparations for my pre-frosh, so a response to your inquiry takes very little work on my part.

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Student Won't Shut up about Study abroad Experience in Rural Kenya

Almost a full four months after returning to the United States, Janet Denson '08 still can't even go ten minutes without blathering about Kenya. Densen spent her fall semester in the African nation, providing aid to some of its most impoverished regions.

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Planned Parenthood Express to Offer Fries with That

Last week, Angell Street's Planned Parenthood Express implemented its most recent innovation with the addition of fries to what the program's director calls its "menu."

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Career Week Ends, Students Enjoy Retirement

After a week of dragging themselves out of bed at the crack of dawn in hopes of advancing their careers, Brown students are fed up, and just about through.

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University to Change Sports Team Name to Brown Rice

Brown University Director of Athletics Michael Goldberger issued a press release last night, which stated the Uiversity's intention to drop the nickname "Brown Bears" at the conclusion of the current athletic season. Citing complaints from numerous fans that the present nickname is offensive, Goldberger stated that beginning with the 2007 fall season, teams will be known as the Brown Rice.

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