Continuing his recent string of embarrassing gaffes, presidential candidate Mitt Romney, during an address on economic policy in Michigan last weekend, was a horse.
“Voters look for certain things in a president,” said political consultant Rick Nickerson.
A meeting held to discuss the scholastic performance of Reservoir Avenue Elementary first-grader Kim White was derailed last night, when it became clear that neither teacher Eleanor Borninski nor parents Howard and Tessa Sullivan had any idea of the child’s name.
Area man Terry Lepore, 39, recently came to the unsettling realization that space rocks stop being cool pretty much as soon as they stop being in space. Lepore contacted authorities on Friday night regarding the towering heap of smoldering space rocks currently blocking his driveway.
“Good gosh! Good golly! It’s Diesel Dolly!” is only one of the many chants America’s children have developed to greet the nation’s most popular locomotive. Whether chugging through town to celebrate a young man’s birthday or taking a lengthy diversion to help an injured animal, Diesel Dolly and her highly perishable cargo can be found almost anywhere outside of her scheduled destination.
When doctors told retired civil engineer Clifford Dumont he had developed Arnfeldt tremor and ataxia syndrome (ATAS), a neurodegenerative disease first observed in 2005, he responded to the diagnosis the same way he had responded to the advent of cell phones, iPods, and the internet: “leave it to the kids,” he said.
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