Sources report that, after a disappointing first semester, freshman Tyler Adams is looking forward to going home and putting a positive spin on his time at Brown.
“Here, I can’t hide that I had a lackluster semester but, at home, I can rewrite history.,” said Adams.
Blasting a thunderous rendition of Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” outside every dorm, the Brown Band was greeted this weekend to the cheers and thunderous applause of students. At 8am sharp, students were reportedly flinging open their window shutters and rushing to the streets to witness the Brown Band perform.
Sources reported on Saturday that Cards Against Humanity player Rick Espinoza ’18 used “Rush Limbaugh’s Soft, Shitty Body” immediately after receiving it.
“It was funny the first time he played that card, like a year ago," said Kristen Park ‘17, adding that she can’t remember the card being played by anyone else.
Sophomore Erica Flynn reported that her roommate Sammy Fisher is in a permanent state of leaving for the gym. “She was packing her workout clothes in a draw string bag when I got in bed last night, and when I woke up this morning she was mixing pre-workout powder into a water bottle,” Flynn said, adding that Fisher spends all of their neurology lectures tying her sneakers and stretching her arm across her chest.
In what some sources are calling an “obvious finding”, a new study by the University of Rhode Island shows that loud motorcyclists riding on Thayer Street are actually the coolest people in Providence, RI. The extensive panel data, which was collected over a twelve-year period, concluded that over 85% of Providence residents thought that the motorcyclists were even cooler than those cars with the windows rolled down while blasting the radio.