Explaining that none of the seventy-four students are studying, sources report that everyone in the first floor study area of the Rock is taking a break to talk with friends.
“Nobody here has been studying for at least the last hour,” said Sophomore Kerry Andrews, who is standing at a friend’s table talking with them.
Piping up for the very first time in her anthropology lecture this week, freshman Jolie Hartman silently wondered if her polite “bless you” to a classmate would count towards class participation. As the spring semester barrels forward, Hartman has taken astute notice of the participation requirement for ANTH100 and hopes her comment warrants some credit.
After news broke that he hired ex-Onion staffers to launch a new comedy website, Elon Musk announced his hiring of Brown Noser staffers to make a slightly lower-quality satirical news website. “I saw what they had done in The Noser, and I knew they would be perfect for my new project,” said Musk, explaining his goal of adding a low-grade satirical website to his growing media empire.
The latest issue of the Brown Political Review is just a very glossy cover, report readers. The lustrous political magazine was distributed across campus earlier in the week, and could be found glimmering in stacks of 3 or 4 on most tables and shelves.
Sources report that Shannon Carlson, a self-proclaimed open-minded college student, is eager to explain why everything you believe in is wrong.
“I’ve made it a point to become an active and empathetic listener,” reports Carlson, who commonly tunes out whenever someone she disagrees with is talking, so she can brainstorm her devastating rebuttal.