Monday, March 18, 2019
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The Brown Noser

Alex Vaughan Williams

Writer (Retired)

Alex's articles

Humble Tenured Professor Only Assigns Half His Literary Corpus As Required Reading | Dec 01 2017

Sources report that Dr. Alden Frinton-Smith — Brown University’s T.F. McLoehn Professor of the Humanities, Noble arts and Ruminative Sciences — has humbly assigned only half of his entire literary career for the course he’s teaching next semester.

Ambitious MCM Class Attempts Marxist Interpretation Of Sex In The City 2 | Sep 15 2017

Sources report that the MCM Department’s newest class on offer, “Sex In The City 2, A Study Of The Dispossessed Masses,” ambitiously seeks to explore the Marxist undertones in the struggles of Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda. “Once I decided to make my reading highly selective," stated Jacob Malibu, one student in the class, “The Marxist references and themes became clear.

Wholesome Fight-Club Just People Shouting Constructive Criticism | Sep 15 2017

Sources report that a new fight-club in Providence is pioneering a more helpful and considerate approach to stress release. Every Friday night participants gather in the poorly-lit basement under an undisclosed diner to shout constructive, wholesome criticism at each other.

Children’s Book Writer Barely Masking Own Existential Dread | Sep 15 2017

Following parents’ concerns that his books focus too much on his descent toward nihilism rather than the cheerful, moralizing tales he is meant to be writing about, children’s book writer Martin Wernick is being criticized for the barely concealed existential dread found in all of his stories.

Israel-Palestine Conflict Settled In Youtube Comment Section | Sep 15 2017

After hours of heated early-morning debate, a band of Youtube users were able to find an effective solution to the Israel-Palestine question, stating that the efforts made by the past twelve American presidential administrations were “basically, over-complicated”.

Brown University Architects Reveal Exciting New Plans For Concrete Monstrosity | Apr 21 2017

At a press conference held earlier this week, architects working for Brown University excitedly announced plans for the construction of a new concrete monolith on campus. “Never before have we used so much concrete in the design of a building,” stated chief architect Jeff Reyes, adding that they haven’t used any other building materials.

Ear, Nose, Throat Doctor Confident In His Ability To Tell Difference Between Those Three | Mar 17 2017

Successful ear, nose, and throat doctor Andrew Reitman asserted on Friday that the most challenging aspect of knowing about ears, noses, and throats is being able to tell them apart, sources report. “Ears, noses, and throats are far from similar," Reitman told reporters, “and since I cannot reasonably expect all my patients to understand this as fully as I do, I try to make the subject less nuanced when explaining it." Reitman’s patients often hear him refer to ears as “noise holes” in an effort to keep them distinct from the mouth, which Reitman insists is easier to call “the chomp-chomp cavern” when explaining it to those who aren’t medically trained.

Millennial Poet Really Pushing Boundaries Of Coherent English | Dec 09 2016

In his newly e-published anthology “word poetry”, millennial poet Darius Wette is really testing the limits of the English language sources reported Saturday. Editors were initially confused by Wette’s consistently questionable decisions regarding basic grammar and spelling, but after several conversations with the poet, they were eventually convinced that he was taking poetry in a new and exciting direction.

Freshman In Lecture Asks Question He Clearly Knows The Answer To | Nov 04 2016

Sitting towards the front of his urban studies lecture on Wednesday, it appears Donald Suthers ’20 clearly knows the answer to the question he just asked. “He’s definitely just asking that question to prove he did the reading,” noted Colby Lewis ‘17, adding that Suthers quoted a passage from the assigned article in his question.