Sandy's articles
Following the success of such now-famous Facebook applications as FarmVille and FrontierVille, software developer Zynga has unveiled its latest effort to merge social networking and online gaming: Insurance Claims AdjusterVille. In exclusive sneak previews, Zynga has emphasized that Insurance Claims AdjusterVille is a "grittier, more challenging, but ultimately more rewarding" Facebook gaming experience.
In an unprecedented turn of events, local Boulder mom Janet Parsons, 48, discovered in the mundane absurdities of everyday life a series of humorous events, all of which warranted retelling to countless eager listeners.
A study recently released in the journal Sociology Quarterly revealed that approximately 86% of all friendships formed between freshmen are founded on shared hatred of, condescension toward, or disdain for some style, celebrity, or other prominent aspect of American culture.
Self-described "biker, Thayer Street mainstay, and leather enthusiast" Larry Scarpo can usually be seen hanging out with his biker buddies outside such Thayer Street establishments as Tedeschi, the former Roba Dolce, and Tedeschi. This week, however, Scarpo traded in his chopper for a box of chalk.
35-year-old Providence resident Timothy "Tito" Berman was screwed once again by his "housing [and the] Lottery." Berman, an unemployed former gas station attendant currently seeking employment at the Rhode Island Schoolbus Depot, or RISD, found his already frustrating situation exacerbated when the ceiling in his "double," or "crappy two-person studio apartment," located in NP4, the fourth tower of the New Providence housing project, developed a leak in its ceiling.
POINT: I See You're Standing at That Urinal Not Peeing
Hey, man. How are you? Haven't seen you in a little while. I know, work's been heavy. You have any plans for summer?
Say, I just happened to notice that you're standing at that urinal, but I don't hear any sound to indicate that you're doing anything more than that.
In what can only be considered the opposite of a shocking development, Brown University student Gabe Brenner '13 texted no fewer than eleven of his friends the message, "what you guys doing tonight." Last night's mass text marks the twelfth incident in thirteen days.
"Awesome!"
"Yeah!"
"This is so cool, daddy!"
These are some typical reactions to the University's newest addition, the ultra high-tech Friedman SCIENCE! Center in the Sciences Library. The Center, which is funded by several grants from the United States Government and has been widely publicized for the access it grants the Brown community to groundbreaking advances in SCIENCE!, opened earlier this semester and has been thrilling students and professors alike.
"No. Fucking. Way."
Sonia Vignale '11 replied in same vulgar and absolutely unbelieving fashion of many other students to the astonishing news that Harold Greenwald '11 is considering continuing his education at the graduate level and, in an unprecedented move, perhaps pursuing a career in academia.
Initial reports inidicate that Mark Langley '12, the source of the sweaty, seemingly disembodied hand grabbing your posterior, would be captivated by your opinions about the Southern Gothic and Modernist giant William Faulkner.
Witnesses at Delta Tau have verified that Langley, who recently submitted a paper entitled "Faulkner's Women and the Struggle for Individuality" to his Comparative Literature class, danced with an astounding fourteen freshmen girls, all of whom spent less than two minutes in Langley's clutches before shuffling away without making eye contact.
Last weekend, the Dartmouth baseball team faced off against Brown in one of the final games of the season. Brown managed to win the game, despite their inability to score early on.
Coaches and teammates alike credit the program's recent success to a new team policy mandating that all players attend M-Sex, Brown's weekly male sexuality workshop.
Several months after the August 14, 2007, release of the latest installment of popular football game Madden NFL 2008, EA Sports has revealed some of the features planned for next year's version.
In a press conference held on October 12, EA announced that Madden 2009 would include better graphics, more depth, and a revolutionary dog-fighting mini-game.
A recent University-wide investigation into sexual harassment has uncovered some rather startling information. In past investigations, researchers found that most instances of harassment were caused by fraternity members, varsity athletes, and members of the sexually infamous techhouse, the group with the most reported cases. However, more and more cases have come out of the SciLi. Equally surprising is that more cases than ever have been reported by men.
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