Calling it a groundbreaking development in lifelike CGI, movie critics have lauded the newest rendition of "The Lion King" for its realistic animation of Simba viciously devouring his friends Timon and Pumbaa.
"The movie's crowning achievement was the scene where Simba tore apart Pumbaa's bloody carcass after gnawing at Timon like a drumstick," said film critic Gene Schrader, recalling the immersive experience of watching the doomed meerkat and warthog desperately run for their lives after offering Simba some grubs to eat.
The Food and Drug Administration released a report Wednesday summarizing their findings that everything bagels in fact only contain a few things.
“Contrary to popular belief, so-called ‘everything’ bagels are not actually made of everything,” spokeswoman Julie Chen explained in a press conference.
According to a report by the American Meteorological Society, it is officially warm enough to stop blaming your depression on the cold.
“The season of seasonal depression is over,” said AMS President Zachary Steems. “We’re seeing 65-degree highs almost every day.
Sources report that it’s the time of year when every high school chorus in the nation begins practicing Green Day’s “Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)” in preparation for the end of the year concert.
“I’m vying for the solo in the first verse,” reported all high school seniors in chorus.
A new true crime podcast released Thursday, Suburban Shadows, apparently consists of nothing but eerie piano plinks. “When you start the first episode, your ears will be met by the lurching, off-beat piano music you’re expecting,” host Melanie Lang explained, “And this haunting melody will continue for the entirety of that episode and all that follow.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
