Sources at the Main Green report that, after more than two months, the last bus full of students has finally arrived from Gala 2019: Under the Sea. Eyewitnesses described the gloomy scene as students with sunken expressions, torn blazers, and emaciated bodies disembarked from the yellow school bus.
Brown Facilities management announced Friday that the SciLi will be adding gargoyles to the outside of its 14-story tower just to lean into the whole misery and doom thing.
“The SciLi has this brand that’s already very strongly felt by everyone here – miserable brutalist spaceship fortress,” project designer French Diamond said.
According to classmates in senior Tony Collentro’s discussion section, Collentro has been calling books “the text” like some wizened elder in a dystopian young adult novel.
“He said ‘the text’ like he was referring to a huge, bound book with old, crinkly pages that’s kept in an underground, illegal library,” reported classmate Brie Lawrence, “But really he was just referring to the thin, paperback copy of Dubliners that we all ordered off of Amazon.”
“We were just talking about which parts of the book were our favorites,” said Lawrence.
Sources report that New Jersey couple Erik and McKenzie Sanford suddenly remembered halfway through their recent tour of Brown University’s campus that they didn’t have kids.
“I was asking the tour guide about the club baseball program,” explained Erik, “But when I looked around for my boy, I remembered that my wife and I made the call a long time ago not to have kids.”
The couple reported that Brown was the third stop on their weekend college road trip to some of the top schools in the northeast.
Eagerly typing out another section of his upcoming Economics textbook, Professor Adlai Woodsworth decided to toss in an exclamation point to let readers know just how exciting Key Concept 4.2 is.
“This is an incredibly intriguing point,” Woodsworth said, enthusiastically rereading the brief section summary he had written in a special textbox.