Meandering across campus in a serpentine line, students in freshman Unit 12 have become so close-knit in the first two weeks of school that they all hold hands everywhere they go.
“We just really get along,” said Polly McGarron, intertwining her fingers with her unit mates on either side.
Sources reported Tuesday that cool, smart world leaders continued to make really good decisions.
The brilliant leaders, collectively responsible for the world’s environment, governments, and economies, were seen doing really good things that are actively improving people’s lives as well as the world at large.
After a long summer of relaxed reading, English concentrator Alex Springer returned to campus ready for another semester of relaxed reading.
“Summer is great, but sitting at home with a bunch of downtime to read can get boring after a while,” Springer said.
Eagerly awaiting the grand opening of Thayer Street’s newest banking location, dozens of students lined up around the block early in the morning to be among the first to make transactions with Chase Bank.
“I’ve been so excited for this day ever since I heard Chase Bank was coming to Thayer,” said Alicia Yang ’21, who reportedly woke up at 5:00 A.M.
Freshman Alan Lickman reports that the latest ‘Today@Brown’ email is offering a merciless reminder that his problem set is not going smoothly. “Once I got the newsletter, which featured Brown Compost Club, a LinkedIn workshop, and Brown Aerial Arts tryouts, I realized I was pretty screwed,” Lickman lamented as he scanned the well-formatted digest that materialized in his inbox at 1:09 AM, cruelly signaling that his struggle through the multivariable calculus homework was now entering perilous territory.