After a suspiciously detailed Ghost Tour through the Old Withers Manor, tourists were unsettled when tour guide Paxton Humphrey knew a little too much about the gruesome murder that took place in the manor to not have been there.
“This is the very spot where the sisters Margaret and Lorraine Withers clung to the bannister, begging for their lives as the killer swung his vintage, collector’s 1926 Scout Ax at their heads,” said Humphrey, reenacting the proper ax swing form like he had been the ax-wielding murderer there on the day of the crime.
According to reports from grown man Alex Nederberg, his childhood imaginary friend has become so sexy now that they’ve grown up.
“I could hardly recognize her,” said Nederberg, even though his imaginary friend still had the same stripey top hat and vintage bicycle she always had.
According to Astronaut Mike Danford, he only made it to space so he could play with those little floaty water globules.
“I love those damn things, I did it all for them,” said Danford, even though he had to go through nearly a decade of training and schooling to get to where he is today.
Vague reports from Providence’s scary part suggest that Mayor Skeleton has probably just passed a new bone law or something like that. “We aren’t sure what the law is, but he is Mayor Skeleton, so it’s probably something about bones,” said spooky reporter Ghoul Jackson.
The red wheelbarrow from modernist writer William Carlos Williams’s 1938 poem is reportedly entirely unaware of its rampant fame.
“This poem is really important when we think about symbolism,” said middle school English teacher Mattie Reynolds to her sixth-grade class, as the red wheelbarrow, oblivious to its status as a household name, just sat in a field on a far-away farm.