A new poll released by Gallup on the eve of the 2018-midterm elections indicates that a historic number of Americans plan to be aware that midterm elections do in fact exist. The results, which surveyed a representative sample of registered voters, indicate that 63% of Americans have plans to know that midterm elections are taking place on Tuesday, November 6th, up from a dismal 52% in 2014.
Sources report that Nurse Florence Barton has been really nervous about each flu shot she has given this flu season and has needed a comforting hand to hold while administering the vaccine. “She was sweating profusely and asked if she could squeeze my hand,” explained one of Barton’s patients, who assured the nurse that the process would be over in a matter of seconds and just feel like a little pinch.
Sources report that four-year-old Mikey Cassmeier has been struggling to decide whether he wants to become a train kid or a dinosaur kid. Cassmeier, on the cusp of developing a distinct personality, is torn between toting a plastic train everywhere he goes or, alternatively, constantly lugging around a small brontosaurus figurine.
As part of this year’s Halloween lineup, ABC announced last Tuesday that they’ll be airing a new Charlie Brown Halloween special that involves all the characters turning into bones.
“People love ‘It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown’ and we wanted to do something similar but spookier,” explained ABC CEO, Channing Dungey.
Local mom Theresa Clarke reportedly enunciated everything on the Gepetto’s menu with a heavy Italian accent while out for dinner with her family, sources report. “I’m fourth generation Italian and I’ve never rolled my ‘r’ on arancini as long as she did,” noted waiter Ross Trigo as Clarke pronounced “ziti” with fourteen syllables.
After an unplanned run-in with acquaintance Ali Kniep in the Blue Room, senior Shelly Emmers reported that, oh, ok, she’s going in for a hug.
“I was expecting a friendly nod, maybe a wave," said Emmers, adding that she was in one class with Kniep and that they talked a little, but not enough to deserve a hug.
Okay, everyone. Let’s set up for the next shot. Before everyone gets on their marks and we start rolling, I just want to go over some of the ideas bouncing around in my head right now. Because I’m thinking we should go for something…kooky.
I have a clear vision for this shot.
Come closer, friend. Do you hear us? Good. Do you see us? No? Even better. We live in these walls, and we ask that you listen carefully to what we are about to say. It is this: If you rub the 8 ball thrice, we will emerge from the walls and challenge you to a round of billiards.