Furiously typing away at her draft of a 10 page sociology midterm paper, Elizabeth Rawlins ’22 is struggling to finish her essay before humanity’s deadline.
“This is a really important paper,” Rawlins said, repeatedly looking at her watch to check the remaining time before the end of the world.
Bypassing the hundred Chemistry terms you memorized in preparation for this midterm, the back of your brain reportedly checked in during your Organic Chemistry midterm to let you know that your ASK.FM is still out there.
Despite the hours you put into preparing for this test, it was no match for obscure and long-buried knowledge that what your hormone-riddled young mind once put on the internet will stay there forever.
A text message from Daniel from your anthropology class, ANTH1302: Politics and Symbols, reports that he wants to know how goes it.
“Hey this is Daniel from anthropology,” read the 12:37 AM text message, which was the first text you’ve received from Daniel since the beginning of the semester when he asked you how the exam went for you.
Amid the highest unemployment numbers in history and the unprecedented economic shock of the coronavirus pandemic, Brown’s economics professors have solemnly turned all their squiggly graphs upside down.
Citing economic devastation rapidly spinning out of control, the economics professors collectively adjusted their craggy graphs of growth and other economic indicators upside down so that they displayed dramatic downward trends.
The only thing that could further decrease the BDH’s readership has happened, sources reported.
“To be honest, we always thought we were already at the rock bottom number of readers,” said editor-in-chief Sara Plonk ’20, amazed that the paper’s readership could fall below no one picking up any copies.