A new national report indicates that 50 percent of a couple is excited for Valentine’s Day.
“I think it’s a great way for loving couples to express their adoration for one another in sweet, well thought-out ways,” said 50 percent of respondents.
The fake plant adorning the desk of a Brown junior was found withered and, well, dead after the student returned from winter break.
“I didn’t know that could happen,” said owner Nate Westbrook, who had tried real plants in the past, only for them to slowly but surely turn brown from neglect.
Reports indicate that an innocent snow angel actually turned out to be a normal angel recovering from what witnesses describe as a “legendary night out ending in a flurry of disaster.”
“Ohhh yeah, I’ve really done it this time,” admitted the angel, who was still lying face-down in the snow with a faint odor of tequila lingering.
Sources indicate that your worst nemesis sees you as nothing more than a regular nemesis.
“Alex is the lowest scum on this earth. When he enters a room, a bone-chilling draft accompanies him as if to announce his malicious presence to the unfortunate souls who have the displeasure of interacting with him,” said Owen, plotting a brutal retaliation against his mortal archnemesis Alex.
Disconcerted sources report that a tissue box is suspiciously close to a local man’s bed.
“When I walked by that guy’s room, he had a tissue box really close to his bed,” commented concerned passerby Noah Daphne, eyeing the box of tissues placed directly on his friend’s nightstand.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
