The Brown Noser

Brown Freshman Saving Her Virginity for Any Guy at a Frat Party Who's Wearing a Polo Shirt

Cynthia Labium '12, like all incoming freshmen, eagerly awaited her matriculation at an Ivy League institution this fall. But for her, the most exciting prospect was entering the ranks of the sexually experienced. She expected her costly college education to teach her the working definitions of words such as "missionary" and "carpet cleaner.

Point: These New Crocs are Totally Kickass!

Point: These New Crocs are Totally Kickass! By Chris Daniels Hey, I couldn't help but notice you were looking at my feet. Don't worry you're not the only one. I'd probably be looking at my feet too if I were you, because, as you no doubt have already noticed, these Crocs are totally kickass! I know they may look a bit odd at first, but take my word for it: nothing equals the comfort of Crocs.

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The New Jonas Brothers Album is Fricken Sick!...I Mean, It's Kinda Chill I Guess

Dudes and ladies, it's Chad Myers reporting-the My-Man! I know you've been holding your breath waiting to hear my take on the summer's illest jams, so let's get it started! Long story short, some turd spilled a Natty on my iPod at an epic end-of-summer rager, so I had to borrow my younger sister's.

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Male Student Taking Women's Studies Course to Meet Girls Overlooked Possibility of Lesbianism

KINGSTON, RI - University of Rhode Island student Pat Kaufman was faced with a startling realization Monday when it came to light that a disproportionate percentage of the students in his Women's Studies course were gay. "Yea, so, there aren't many chicks in my engineering classes and I figured I'd take Women's Studies to kind of get a feel for the playing field, so to speak," Kaufman said.

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Athletes Demand Stricter Admissions Policy for Non-Recruited Students

Tensions in the Brown athletic community are at an all time high due to the University's policy of giving leeway to its non-recruited students. All across the campus, athletes are growing frustrated with their less macho minded classmates. "I feel like standards are droppin," grunted star football Tight End Dwayne 'Tight Ass' Rockefeller '10.

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CIT to Close While Andy van Dam Undergoes Construction

The Thomas J. Watson, Sr., Center for Information Technology (CIT) will be shut down next week while the university performs construction on long-standing Professor Andy van Dam. The university suspects that the project may take one to three months. "We just can't tell at the moment how long it'll be until we can get things back up and running," said Construction Manager Ted Foreman.

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