Freshman Jennifer Williams has reported a sighting of Dean Rashid Zia after she chanted “Open Curriculum” into an Archibald bathroom mirror. Legend has it that every year, on the anniversary of the Open Curriculum, Dean Zia can be summoned using this mysterious ritual.
Despite working on a farm his entire life, local farmer Hal Ankerson recently admitted he is still not quite sure what his goat is good for.
“Spending 30 years on the farm has taught me what most of the animals are used for,” said Ankerson as a goat gnawed on the corner of his shirt.
Sources reported Friday that area dog Buster is unaware he’s not a person. Buster, a five-year old boxer, fully considers himself equivalent to his human family.
“I love my mom, dad, and sister,” Buster said, entirely believing that he is mentally and physically the same as his family.
Sources reported Thursday that area man Kent Tephron was struggling not to laugh at the dumbass hat worn by the state trooper who pulled him over on the highway.
“Yes officer, I’ve got the registration right here,” Tephron struggled to say with a straight face, doing his best not to stare at the very dumb looking hat the state trooper had delicately balanced on top of his head, as well as the weird strap across the bottom of his face.
Area man Pand Green unsuccessfully smiled at an area baby Friday morning, eyewitnesses reported.
“There was this cute baby stomping around in the grass,” Green recounted, pointing to a nearby patch of grass. “I decided to smile at the baby, and it was like I had pointed a gun at them or something.
In an effort to perfect an image of herself standing in a pumpkin patch, area woman Jenny Holmsted carefully adjusted the exposure on the iPhone photo as if she were a National Geographic photographer.
Sources report that Holmsted tweaked the brightness in the photo with the meticulousness of a professional wildlife photographer capturing the world’s natural wonders.
Hey Buzzy, It’s me, your Cousin Tony! C’mon, don’t tell me you don’t remember your Cousin Tony! I remember when you used to be a little kid kicking a soccer ball around. But you’re not that little anymore, are you Buzzy? No, you’re not.
It’s been one of the greatest joys of my life to attend Brown University. I’ve met so many amazing people and encountered some truly awesome opportunities. Overall, my Brown experience has been nothing short of perfect, aside from one little thing: I just wish we had more experimental theater here.