Sara Myers, a horse girl, has scheduled her own euthanization after spraining her ankle. “Sara, like other horse girls, has very delicate legs compared to her upper body. Unfortunately, that means a sprained ankle is often a death sentence,” Sara’s doctor stated solemnly, gesturing toward an anatomical diagram of a horse girl.
According to sources, the Norwegian kjæreste is not that grønnsaker now that pålegg pålegg is bjørnebær.
“Jeg synes dette er en så dårlig historie, og det gjør meg så trist å se min slik,” asserted Jørgen Jensen, sneakily revealing that the agurktid from his håndbrems is actually støvsuger.
Reports indicate that a small midwestern town is forced to use the same pond for ice fishing as they do for their tragic drunk driving accidents.
“I think I speak for everyone when I say how devastated I am at how crowded it gotten down at Dexter Pond,” said Mayor Tim Kileski, amidst rising frustration on behalf of local ice fishermen and irresponsible teen drivers that they have to share a single tiny pond to both catch bluegills and careen across the median, rolling their toyota acura into the chest-deep water.
In a statement released by their communications department, cosmetics giant Maybelline vows to end animal testing on all rabbits that don’t look stunning with blush on.
“At Maybelline, we believe there is never an excuse for animal testing except for in a few select cases,” began the statement, referring to the fact that if a rabbit looks absolutely drop-dead gorgeous with blush on it would be a crime not to doll it up.
Correspondents reporting from Rutherford B. Hayes high school report that history teacher Mr. Hugh is giving a troubled student a second chance because he sees a bit of himself in them. “Listen, I used to be just like you,” started Hugh, completely ignoring all standard protocol for disciplining misbehaving students.