Local gamer Matt Davis yesterday expressed relief that the carnage and suffering depicted in the popular first-person shooter were a thing of past.
“10 of my online comrades were shot this morning,” said Davis. "I sent those men to die as if they were expendable.
Domino’s Pizza technicians announced at a press conference at the Domino’s Test Lab yesterday that they were now able to go from 0 to pizza in just 60 seconds, a speed that pizza specialists are saying could completely change the way we think of pizza.
A cult group claiming to be followers of a so-called “Christ” has begun their annual festival of virgin birth.
Members of the fringe religious sect inaugurate the winter festival by erecting an uprooted evergreen tree in their homes and decorating it with small cultic idols.
Following the revelation that Chompers the celebrity cow has contracted cow dementia, the nation has responded with an outpouring of support and awareness of the previously ignored cow disease.
“Before Chompers, victims of cow dementia in this society were basically invisible,” said veterinarian and cow specialist Holly Iverson.
According to various sources, a group of local dads are locked and loaded for a jam session at Greg’s this Sunday.
“Billy Marisco says he’s down, Tommy Goldman, Cesar Rubio, Marty Chandler,” said jam session host Greg Boda on a recent email thread with the subject line, “Jam at Greg’s this Sunday???”
“Well, fellas,” he added, “looks like we’re all set to jam!”
Sources indicate that the jam will take place, as usual, in Boda’s basement, which has been converted into a home music studio complete with amps, two mic stands, effects pedals, a Miller High Life neon sign, soundproof paneling, a lava lamp, several vintage rock posters, a Leslie Rotator, Boda’s LP collection, Boda’s CD collection, and a Fender Rhodes.