Washing off all the fake blood from his tractor, local farmer Evan Lawrence, began the process of turning his spooky corn maze back into a dumb, little cornfield. “Halloween season’s over so it’s back to life as usual,” lamented Lawrence as he took down the 10 extra scarecrows he had put up to scare visitors.
According to a report put out by several of his co-workers, local man Greg Stavig eats the exact same thing for lunch every day. “It’s a turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread, lettuce, tomato, mustard,” said colleague Jill Jurgensson, admitting that, while eating it every day must get tiresome, the lunch itself is not inherently bad.
One-year-old Joshua Gay’s birthday party Saturday made absolutely no one happy, sources report. “More money down the tube,” said Gay’s father Richard as the magician, who all of the children were too young to understand and the adults too old to enjoy, packed up his things.
Waiting until the last possible moment to turn on the lighthouse bulb to prevent a ship from crashing, lighthouse operator James Wade admitted that he has been letting ships get closer and closer to the rocky shore just for the thrill of it. “I used to be really vigilant about turning on the lighthouse as quickly as possible to usher ships safely into the harbor, but recently, I’ve been getting pretty bored and the only way I can feel anything is if I let the ships get dangerously close to the shore.
Gingerly cutting the eyes out of a beautiful oil portrait, local bad guy Doctor Blood justified his actions by explaining that he plans on using the holes to peek through. “I live in a very spooky and sinister house. I plan on hanging this portrait on the wall in my living room and using these little peek holes I made to secretly observe whoever is in there.”
Disregarding the fact that the portrait was painted by Titian and undoubtedly worth millions of dollars, Doctor Blood proceeded to jam his finger through the peek holes to make sure they were big enough for him to see through.
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